You’re on top of things at the office, cool calm collected under pressure, you multi task with the best of them and you get the best out of your employees. So why then when it comes to your sprogs you turn into the stressed out 5 headed monster at the drop of a hat?
Here are some points to consider when being legendary in the parent department.
1. Death to “Do as I say not as I Do”.
Your kids minds are like sponges, from the ages of 0-7 your kids are learning the first examples of all of the major emotions from those around them, and guess what, thats probably you.
BE the change that you want for your herberts, if you want a chilled out little dude, then be chilled out yourself. If you want a happy kind princess, then be happy around them. I appreciate this is easier said than done, but keep bringing it to your awareness from time to time and check yourself when you feel yourself becoming the Hulk, because actually when you think about it YOU won’t like you when your mad let alone your shapable mouldable angels.
2. Be mindful of your Language.
Now I don’t mean trying not to swear when your losing your temper (however thats not the best :) ), what i do mean is think about the questions and comments you are saying to your bundle of joy.
Whats the difference between “Don’t hit your sister”, and “Can you please be kind to your sister”. “Can you please stop crying” to “Can you show me a smile”. They both hint at the same thing but to the unconscious mind they’re very different.
In NLP speak the first is "away from" language and the secondary is the more desired “towards” language. Our unconscious mind doesn’t process negative language so in the first example, all your child hears is the “hit your sister” part which hey presto gets more of the un desirable outcome.
Change it around and see what happens the next time WW3 is about to kick off. The more and more it’s in your awareness the easier it gets.
3. Lock in hapiness, Pavlov style.
Most of us will have heard of an experiment with Pavlov and his dogs, for those who haven’t, Pavlov would ring a bell when giving food to his dogs, but then found that even when a bell was rung and no food was present the dogs would salivate as if food was there through building the connection between the sound of the bell and food time.
Well what does this mean to us as parents? It means that a positive response or state can be triggered from an external event, you just need to first feed that positive state and lock it in. How? well here goes, superparent skills factor 10…
First, wait until your kids do something amazing or is in a state of total happiness, straight away go over to them and either say a memorable phrase that will work as the Anchor phrase, “Super stuff” for example , or “Superman” put your hand on their shoulder or top of their head as you do it.
Stack this up whenever you can when they are in that positive state in the future, always using the same phrase or touching them on the shoulder each time. This builds up the positive state association with the anchor phrase.
Next time they’re low, upset or need a little boost… you’ve got it,
Come on there “Superman” give me a smile.
Remember keep your anchor state topped up and don’t over use it as the effect reduces with continual use like most things in life.
Have a play with some of these top tips and see what works for you, "play" is the key word here, find out what works for you and be the best that you can be, why, because your family is worth it.